I Wish

I WISH
I wish, somewhere so deep in my heart you wouldn’t believe
In a place so deep, no light could reach, where it echoes, a Stygian sarcophagus where my monsters hide,chained to stones, my personal Tartarus ,I wish for things possible yet so far from my reach, I wish for things I shouldn’t, things forbidden, things cold…I wish…

I wish I was different, that I didn’t see their eyes-evil to their souls, that I didn’t feel, didn’t love, didn’t want…when all they seek is to steal, all they see is prey to hunt…and it haunts…hurts to know if asked I would freely give. I wish if they asked I wouldn’t forgive.

I wish what they see isn’t truth, I wish I didn’t wear this heart on my sleeve, beating bleeding begging forever aggrieved, I wish my dysfunction wouldn’t accept the hug that makes the stab easy,the smile, fangs in place of teeth, mr beastly.

I wish I didn’t love her, she too. I wish I didn’t give my trust their ready tool, I wish I’d been smart, not naive, my words like theirs designed to receive. to deceive. I wish I had the foresight, then to read between the lines, the bright of trust to see the lies. I wish I hadn’t died a little when she spoke to them, took my truths and lied to them…I wish I had died when they laughed at my face, maybe I would have found a better place…

I wish he never touched my body, I wish he hadn’t awakened me to all thats heaven, I wish I had heeded Eden, the serpent? But I was woman, and he was mortal, here for a little then gone to another, I wish I never fell, that I held my heart in its protective shell. But naive I gave it away, again, to true sounding lies, I’d met the devil himself, the only truth was pain…I wish I could forget now…I wish I no longer break in cold sweat.

I wish I didn’t wait with bated breath, for the fall of the next hatchet, I wish I was weak, that I could stop, that I would break, but I’m strong and I will love again and hurt, feel that pain. Again. I wish I wasn’t cursed to search for the office pin of truth in the haystack of needles,I wish I didn’t shiver and shudder at every voice, scared and feeble, thinking is this the one? who’s faster and smarter? I wish I wasn’t waiting for the next con, but I am hoping against all, maybe like in a fairy tale the con would take the fall…I wish…

I wish for good things for those that love me, wherever they are, I hope they find me, I wish for dark things for those that have hurt me, I pray they love and suffer and hope beyond it, their hearts are not just broken but like mine cut wide open to bleed, steeped in pain so much that they can’t breathe, I wish they cry and cry and cry through their nights and never sleep, and when they do shadows haunt their dreams till they scream…I wish

I wish, somewhere so deep in my heart you wouldn’t believe
In a place so deep, no light could reach, where it echoes, a Stygian sarcophagus where my monsters hide,chained to stones, my personal Tartarus ,I wish for things possible yet so far from my reach, I wish for things I shouldn’t, things forbidden, things cold…I wish…